The Slippery Slope: Eating Disorder Recovery and Diets
For me, it has been a struggle to maintain a healthy weight, without spiraling back into my old ways. For that very reason, I have gone up and down on the scale, and been what many refer to as a yo-yo dieter. I would diet and exercise, and then find myself obsessing, starving, and over-exercising. I would quickly jump back while I could, only to again become overweight, unhealthy, and unhappy.
While many are in “remission” from our eating disorders, or even consider ourselves “recovered”, it is something that may always be present for each of us. The struggle is finding a balance; not getting sucked back into that slippery slope of starving, over-exercising and obsessing.
Finding the Balance:
I couldn’t be on a diet, it simply spun me into that dark place. It did not matter the kind of diet, it was the word diet, and the goal of dropping pounds. I had to change my mindset and I had to change my lifestyle. I needed my eating habits and exercise to be part of my daily routine, part of a healthy and balanced lifestyle. But, I also needed more than that.
Enter accountability groups:
When I was first approached by my friend in March about beachbody, I told her I was happy being fat, and I wasn’t interested in any weight loss programs. My first excuse was that I didn’t have the time or motivation, but the truth was during the year prior, I had dropped a significant amount of weight by starving and over-exercising. After a bad breakup, in September of 2013, I went from 164 pounds(September 31st) to 150 pounds (October 29th). I had found myself slipping back into my old ways, and I was scared; but then I fell in love, and that watchful eye, and the bliss of new love, thwarted my attempts of self-destruction. I noticed as I began to put the weight back on, but remembered the pit in my stomach I had had months before when I realized I was slipping back into unhealthy weight loss patterns.
A couple of weeks after my friend approached me, I got on the scale for the first time in months, I was horrified, I had gained all the weight back I had worked so hard to lose (in an unhealthy way...which is why I gained it back). I was unhappy with myself, had no energy and found myself debating whether or not to unbutton my pants at my desk. I contacted my friend and told her I was in. I was nervous, I knew diets and exercising were a major trigger for me. As she began to explain clean eating and accountability groups, I was relieved. Okay, so this wasn’t a “diet”, it was just eating clean, which included eating a certain amount of food a day, OH and I was going to have to post these meals in a group. I cringed at the idea of posting my food intake in a group for everyone to see,but a week in, a wave of relief came over me, THIS was the secret.
The accountability groups provided me with another aspect of accountability; yes it held me accountable to choosing clean meals, but it also held me accountable to eating enough, to eating 3 meals, 2 to 3 snacks a day, and not over-exercising. I suddenly had many eyes on me, and a wonderful support group.
We are approaching the end of August now, which means I have been in accountability groups and doing beachbody programs for almost 5 months. I have lost weight at a healthy pace, I have stayed in a happy and motivated place, I haven’t let days or weeks be ruined by a number on the scale, I have gotten stronger instead of depleting my muscle by depriving my body, I feel more confident, and this time around, I’m not hungry.